my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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