we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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