Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
