Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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