i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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