it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
