U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize