Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
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He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
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drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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