It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
