thus making me awesome and them whores
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Randomize
