I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
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