is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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