Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
