What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
