just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize