if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
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