how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
MIDGETS
????
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
