As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
