no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
