Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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