Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
