Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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