I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
