somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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