Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
