I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
