So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Holy sore nipples Batman
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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