Screwed.edu
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
