Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
