I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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