the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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