i was born a porn star she said
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
