I want to walk on stilts...naked
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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