Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I look excited, but its just a facade.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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