I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
