i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
