so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
