Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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