First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
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It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
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He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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