just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
