Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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