I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
