didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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