i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
