Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
