i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
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Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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