I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Randomize
