My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
She needs sedatives and a leash
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
