So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
