my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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