I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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