Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
