Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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