i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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