I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
