Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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