Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
This is the prime rib incident all over again
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
