You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Did I show you my penis last night?
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I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
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My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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