So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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