You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
