So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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