Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Four minutes until I can fart!
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
