I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
