This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
