what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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