I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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