You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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