he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
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I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
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I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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